No roads to the castle

“I want to be Divya Bharati!” Yes, I think that was the first time ever I thought about my future and I was five or six years old. By the time I was seven, my dreamed evolved; now I wanted to be Miss Universe. Then an astronaut – Kiran Bedi – a doctor – divorce lawyer (so I could get Shahrukh Khan to divorce Gauri) – Shahrukh’s wife – army officer – a social worker and the list is endless.

Here I am, almost 20 years down the line, and I am still at a loss. The vision of me 10 years from now baffles me; I see a very successful me, who is content, as beautiful and thin as ever, dressed up in sophisticated formals with high heels, holding a cup of coffee in one hand and a phenomenal Fendi bag hanging on the other, talking on phone while parking my very own Phantom. Wow! Do I look astounding or what?

Well, yeah so that’s what I see when I close my eyes and when I open them I see a question staring right into my face – ‘How are you going to get there?’

Lately, I’ve been having doubts regarding my latest ambition of becoming a pilot, because if I am not able to secure any financial grant for it (which is highly likely considering that my grades are not extraordinary) becoming a pilot would only mean starving my family for a whole year after which I can PERHAPS pay them back (you know how the job market is!)

If I decide to go into an engineering firm or sorts, how do I know I won’t want to leave the second day and that I’ll enjoy there? I fear this since I am known for bailing out on things after a few months/weeks/days/hours! Though I have had pretty good reasons for kissing goodbyes to all the things I started, yet it’s difficult to deny my behavior. I wish someone could just come up to me and tell me what path should I choose and I would realize that there’s no better option than that. *Dreamy eyes* I am tired of thinking about the typical ‘What do I wanna be?’ question!

This might sound sadist (which I sometimes tend to be) but I so hope everyone my age is going through the same mind boggling thought!

Oh, and I am also interested in creative fields, but I hardly think I’ll stick to it (or that’s at least what my kin/kith think).

Back with a Bang!

Right, so when I was thinking that I'll write a post which will cover up for all those times that I really wished to write something but I didn't cos I was not in the mood/lazy/din't bother/had too much work/preferred playing cards/was watching some series/..., I came up with like a million thoughts to pen down BUT again I have only 3 mins before I have to leave this room and that my dear friend is not at all enough for a person like me to even summarize an idea in a short para and that is when I usually come up with stupid, terribly long, not-making-too-much-sense sentences like this one!

After so long a time that I can't even remember, an advertisement that made my heart heavy; Mere Desh Mein Paisa Sirf Paisa Nahi Hai. Beautiful.

Of not-so-lucky-time-of-life

This post is for me to get some things straight with myself, and I am sharing this with the blog so I don't just think of trying to straighten things out but actually do them and know that I have done them.

Not getting accommodation on campus was a bummer. I was relying on it. I was relying on my luck. Apparently I am not proving very lucky these days. So, no more lottery tickets for me soon!
I've got a few options; I can either bunk with friends and keep switching as soon as I start becoming a pain in their asses or I can take up a place of my own or I can stay as a paying guest over my friend's house. Too many problems with each...ah...not in mood to straighten them out now!

I am simply putting on more and more weight. Everyday I look in the mirror and I feel ugly and fat. But you know what, I am not completely to be blamed. The blame has to be shared by my friends, who eat around me all the time and my shoes because they have gone into hiding! Don't know what to do about it, till I manage a place to stay.

My scholarship money suddenly disappeared! It vanished. I am almost sure that the ATM machine ate it. One day my bank account was totally loaded and the other, I was left with no penny to spare. It was amazing. So I need to figure out a way to fill my pockets. Too tired now-brain going to explode, so saving it for a better time.

I want to study, I really do but I can never get to doing that unless there's like a test or a submission (which hasn't happened till now). I want to improve my grades, not passionately enough but I still do, though everytime I think of studying, the idea of watching Gilmore Girls or sleeping or going out or meeting friends or just sitting and staring at the ceiling takes over and I end up not even opening my books. I have to do something about it soon!

Alright, I guess those are my only problems at the moment. Had I been writing this post like 2 weeks back, issues with friends and parents would have come up too, but those seem to have been settled magically, and I am hoping so will all the above mentioned problems-on their own-somehow-please!

Of me and myself

Excitement comes in all shapes and sizes! And, when it does, your heart fills with tears and eyes with joy. It can be as small a thing as sneaking out of the office escaping all the eyes or catching a bus the moment you reach the bus stop, to big things which are planned and much awaited. Explicitness would be inappropriate as excitement sometimes come as a surprise as well!
I’m treating myself, for enjoying the small excitements when nothing exciting was happening in life, with something really exciting!

If you think this post is insane, you should hear me talk right now!

Of a stretch of a day

I have been doing work since morning, without any breaks (‘cause I din feel like lunch). And to do that work was not any easy task at all. Yes, there’s a script I can refer to but ladies and gentlemen it gets monotonous and the feeling of I-know-how-to-do-this-I-don’t-need-script overtakes your mind to an extent that the pressure is ALL on your brain. So, what happens when u put so much pressure on a poor little soul who slept a little late due to a technological invention of a device which has made the world to move at the speed of light or sound maybe, computer and woke up really early to catch the first bus that comes to the bus stop? I made a mistake! I have no idea how to rectify it, so waiting for my never-to-be-seen boss to appear in the office. Hopefully the mistake won’t be too huge and he won’t scold me or make faces or abuse or give me the look like hiring me was the biggeset mistake of his life, like "some" other bosses do!

Is it too unhealthy to complain about your work or at least think ‘it’s a pain’ everyday (when you’ve already taken a week off in one month one week and one day since job started)? I try not to but the distance, the waking up early, the same-job scope-everyday, the same-boring-faces of bosses, the same-canteen-with-two-stalls (though I pray everyday that Today miraculously there will be one more stall or that Maybe there’re selling something I’d enjoy), the same-working hours and the same temperature of the Air Con (it gets so cold that my nails turn blue), make it really hard for me to even remotely love coming to office. The work I do, however, is mostly want I always wished to do, but I think I am not ready for working lifestyle as yet and you know what? I’m happy I’m not =)

फन के लिए =)

यह पोस्ट हिन्दी में लिख रहा हूँ क्यूंकि हमे हमारी राष्ट्रया भाषा को महत्व देना चाहिए।
और इस लिए भी क्यूंकि मजे आ रहे है। हाहा लोल!
और इस लिए भी क्यूंकि थोड़ा बोर हो रहा है ऑफिस में।
यह पोस्ट इधर ही ख़तम होती है। नमस्कार।