"Who cares?!"

‘Indifference’, a word I did not understand the importance of till late and now when I do, I realize it is not a word to be used only in phrases but also in our lives. People do not give a serious thought to it and hence, most problems in their life. Staying aloof from everything that is happening around you is not indifference; that would isolate you from the rest of the world. Indifference is selective! You should choose to be indifferent when you see things you do not want to. Again, there can be several interpretations to that. Let me clarify; here I’m talking about being indifferent towards things that do not affect you (or do so but not as much to change your life or avert you from your goal or even interfere with it) but can keep your mind occupied for a period longer than you can imagine, first when you are conscious and then when unconscious. Cold shoulder to such matters can keep one’s mind calm and give a sense of contentment, contentment of not getting disturbed by the event, contentment of being happy and contentment of the thought that you do not need anybody around you for you to be happy, for you to enjoy life. One universal truth: You are Yourself! Neither do you NEED anyone nor does anyone needs you. Yes, ‘want’ has a different meaning altogether and it is this ‘want’ that makes it necessary to bring in the concept of indifference. When you want something (the intensity of want may vary) and you do not get it, you can either cry for it or can be indifferent towards it (of course, if the ‘want’ becomes your passion, you goal, there should be no hurdle that should stop you!). Crying for it will just make you look weak and a laughing stock while indifference will gain you some respect while making you strong from the inside. Inside, that is the place where this feeling should emerge from. Just pretending to be indifferent will do no good to noone!

For some this would mean total bull shit, but for me, at the moment, there’s nothing as meaningful as the word ‘indifference’.

A post after sentosa, after taking my own time out

They say speak of yourself
I speak not.
They say express your mind
I express not.
They say tell your problems
There aren't any,
Problems have solutions
but Solutions there are not.

Tutorien sind nützlich

I will write that in all the languages if necessary to get it registered into my head that 'Tutorials ARE important and useful!' Lektion Erlernt!!! While sitting in the examination hall today(mind you, Sitting, which in my terms imply sitting idly), i thought of the questions for a while, tried to remember where before had i seen the question, and could vaguely visualize the past; the past, where i just skimmed through the (very important) tutorials thinking 'of course they aren't gonna give the same questions!' and moved on to do make the formula sheet; the formula sheet, which proved to be totally useless through the exam, not because i did not refer to it but because i referred to it to affirm the correctness of the formulae i had already written and when i did not know a formula, the sheet did not have it either! And there, i was left to guess the formulae; formulae, that i thought were important were apparently so obviously important that we were not even suppose to write them in the formula sheet, instead know them on our fingertips. That one sheet of paper was for us to jot down the not-so-important-but-likely-to-be-used formulae which I thought were not gonna appear in the paper because of their complexity. (What in the world was I thinking?!?! We are in frikking University for goodness's sake!!)
Sigh! Only if i could go back to the past...NO! not to cheat or change my marks (ahem..well atleast i THINK i won't do that), but to read ALL my tutorials again with as much concentration as one needs while watching Prison Break (where you take care of the SMALLEST things you watch thinking perhaps it'll have an important consequence later in the episode).
Only, only if i could go back to the past.

Ascertainment

Eight months of living in the university and i did not know that studying at the central library forum can be so productive. More because of the lovely weather today i suppose. Cool breeze - mnm's - a bottle of water - music - cheesecake - EG1108 ("EG1108?!@#" well i noe it sounds out of place but trust me wasn't all that bad). Well so finally i found it; after exploring YIH, CL level 6, level 4, mac, room, pgp; the perfect place to study for exams and more importantly, be content with the turnout. Ah, the major reason for the output was perhaps studying alone! (HINT: next time you see me studying alone and you wanna say a 'hi' - DO NOT BOTHER)
So, in all a pleasant day inspite of being a 'preparation day' besides the part where i had to make calls to WAKE my roommate UP! Not only does it waste time and money but also it takes a lot more effort to not let your mind wander and concentrate on useful things again. When will she understand?! (GOD why did you have to make her like me?!)