It's strange how things don't happen your way when you want them the most! It's not fair; life's not fair. Guess that's why M. Scott Peck once said "Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult - once we truly understand and accept it - then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters."
But I don't understand or accept it now, perhaps that's why I am sad today.
May God bless all the good souls in this world and give them ALL the happiness they wish for!

No comparison

I do things I enjoy doing. I used to study a few years back; even when there was no demand. I used to enjoy sitting in my study room with all the doors between the television room and my study shut so that I could prevent my ears, my brain from the rattle. My parents were not the ones who asked me not to watch my favorite movie or the program I waited for; I just couldn’t convince myself that there was anything more important than studies; not even my best friend’s phone call, not even my crush at my doorsteps…

Not that I was a nerd back then. I used to enjoy life as much; used to go for parties as much; it’s just that book were momentousness in my life.

Things now have moved to the other end of the spectrum. The order of priorities has reversed. Now I don’t make an effort to study (earlier I used to push myself to go out); now I study with loud music (earlier I used to have a problem with my sister humming a song softly); study with people around me (I could only be with a person if I have to clear a doubt); study at any place, room/super snacks/library/geckos (earlier I was even particular about my own chair, when all the chairs in an army house look the same!).

This change has not been for good, to say the least. At least the discipline before was worth it how much ever boring it may sound. There was a sense of satisfaction in class, after exams, after results. Now there’s nothing but “next time I’ll study…” on my mind and lips and regret.

Mind has become too wander-ful. It’s high time I get back on track. Believe it or not, past two days of studies (though little) gave me a feeling comparable to that of three years back; not because I completed a lot of portion but because the way of studying was similar. I am enjoying it now. I hope this stays!

Boredom

No! Life can’t be this unexciting. It’s Saturday night for Christ’s mother’s sake. I guess I can’t blame anyone but myself for this. I am so annoyed at the moment that I can’t concentrate on nothing. Tried studying/chatting/dancing/sitting at super snacks/watching movies/browsing the net but nothing; can do nothing!

*God when I wake up tomorrow please turn me into a nerd who does only one thing the whole day long; study! Please God, Please God.*

Horse And The Backbone

One of the few things that I detest to the extent that I want to take out and crush the person’s intestines, make him swallow them and tie knots of all the veins in his body is a person being insecure when there is no need to be.

I had to spend 3 hours of my lab with a person who didn’t have the audacity to look anybody in the eye; who did not speak a word unless spoken to; who was so nervous and under confident that he could hardly understand what was going on in the experiment. Alright, we all had an idea as little as him about what we were doing when making the oxygen bomb but at least we were trying to learn and have some fun ‘igniting the fluid’. He was one of those people who think they are dumb and hope to find a “buddy” who will do all the work while he himself will stand aside and focus on something immaterial so intensely so as to look a bit useful.

I don’t understand how anyone can not raise his chin while walking or not look into the other person’s eye and try to make him conscious of his moves rather than become watchful himself. Is it so difficult to have a backbone? Is it so difficult to be like a horse? (Horse symbolizes honor, reverence, power and respect.)

I know I’m being capricious in judging him on the basis of just three hours of “interaction”, but he did irritate the hell out of me!!!

Denseness

Several are not said,
Hundreds go unspoken
Many are not listened,
Thousands go un-hearken.