Heavy Heart

I feel discontent, depressed, fretful, restless, sad.

Guess I’m just heart broken.

Expressions =)

It sometimes feels celebrated to be apprehended by people you least expect from. Past few days episodes have made me hang in and have actuated me to be nice to everyone, be responsible and also to stand up and own the blunder. Just when I thought that life is no longer as beautiful as it used to be (when you din have to wake up early mornings to go to a place where you’re always thinking of ways to get out of; when you did not have to think twice before having a sweet dish after meals, when you did not have to curb the temptation once you pass the Ben ‘n’ Jerry’s tubs in 711), just then a smile as a gesture of appreciation and liking, a compliment much deserved and required, a memory of my pride reminded by an admirer, a phone call from people who usually do not keep in touch added colors to my otherwise black and white life these days. (added colors?! Black and white life?! Man I sound like a depressed artist).

Things so undersized and facile yet so momentous and applauding; these are the things that make your day when everything else in life is glitched up. I do not feel frothy anymore!

Heads and Tails

Woke up an hour late, realized that taking a bus and going to the office (and reaching at a time when you JUST cross the cushion you think should be OKAY for going late) would not be so effortless with NO cash on me. Friends asleep (some careless!) would have been a great help only if I had the heart to nudge them at the time when even the birds do not chirp (we shall skip the little details of a small incidents =p). All in His hands, I thought, and left the very cozy and alluring room (quilt and bed weren’t the only reason!).

The day starts awful.

I step out of the building and the first sight is of God trying to help me. I’ve never talked to this guy as much to ask for the bus fare (ATM would have taken time!) but I swallowed my pride, dignity, ego and shamlessly yet subtly charged him for being the first aquaitance to meet me this morning. Ran to catch the bus. Bonanza! While sitting in the bus I was hoping that it’ll turn into a jet and pass all these traffic lights, (which today were turning red JUST before the my bus could cross it) and skip all the bus stops (today the bus stopped at EACH ONE OF THEM!). But I guess luck was with me, reached office before boss did. All was good. And it just became better with time. I am permitted to leave office just 4 hours after I step in today.

The day becomes worthier.

Now just hoping that the seminar would go smooth and so will the clamation of my luggage. I need something more than my tears this time; LUCK! And since the day has been benign, i shall give it a shot.

Midst of a serious talk

culsultant - conslutant - constulant - consultant!
How frikking embarrassing can it get?!@#$

Broken chain

A few thoughts popping up in my mind at the moment:

- i want to drink

- loof sounds like a sexy place

- I’ll sleep before 2 am every morning

- keep your eyes open!

- I need a bed

- girls should be taken care of

- they should be treated delicately

- i love heels

- tattoo!

- money money money

- ma pa’s 25^th anniversary =D

- chasing cars

- formal shirts turn me on

- chicken

- ck is busy

- dream on

- socha nahi tha...

- pizza pazza pasta fresca bistro L’Emozione Italy!

- I wanna dance alone

- manu is a sweetheart

- lose weight

- no time

- having too much of things that I wished never would happen

- I love mishti the most in this world!

- salary

- akshay gaurav coming tomorrow!

- girika is playing good songs

- life rocks after a cup of milo

Woke up to a beautiful morning; cool breeze, cloudy sky (convinced myself to not skip another day at work, got off the bed). Ten minutes and I was ready. Left the room with a smile. Was strolling and enjoying the freshness of morning air.

(On the way to the bus stop) All I saw around me was people rushing to work; running towards the bus stop just to catch the bus on time or just to miss it if they thought, even for a bit, of how bizarre it looks when they sprint in formal clothing or if the thought of caring a little for the hurting feet, because of the heels, flashed their minds even for a millisecond! Some were rushing inside the buildings where they were supposed to report 5 minutes earlier. Some had piles of papers to go through before they could show to their boss last night’s work (when the boss left early and gave heaps of files for them to be completed and kept on his desk before he shows up in office tomorrow). Some had their breakfast in their hands, struggling to get a bull’s eye, aiming their mouths while running. Major attempt was to keep the coffee from spilling on the dress they bought recently to impress the people in the office or the interviewer if the job is yet to be confirmed. And all the people you think are sitting calmly either at the bus stop or in the bus, they are actually brainstorming in their minds as to what excuse would be apt and appropriate and reasonable for them being late, for a raise in salary in spite of being late, for a raise in salary and a few days off in spite of being late.

The atmosphere was so overanxious yet it did not keep me from ambling and enjoying the cool breeze, the cloudy sky and the freshness and peace in the air. It was a beautiful morning…

LIGHT!

I was going through hundreds of diaries my grandfather has left behind; couldn’t read most of the stuff either because of the handwriting or because they were so old that ink had faded. But the one quote that I could indeed read clearly was the one which made me forgo all my charges against myself for being guilty of making people wait for me. It came as a confidence boosting blessing from heaven by grandpa =). Here it is,

Relax! You are worth waiting for

it's all worth it after all

It’s surprising how things as small as waking up just 15 minutes late, catching the bus JUST in time, following the meal schedule you have made and saved on computer, bitching to your friend about your friend can make your day!

With such a beginning you look forward to the work piled up on your desk, just to get done with it and get home to spend a much deserved and wonderfully relaxing evening with people you adore. What else could I ask for? (Alright I shall not get started on WHAT ELSE could I ask for, because the list is humongous but what I mean is sometimes things may appear small but if we start to enjoy them and squeeze all the pleasure out of them , they significantly affect your life in a beautiful way!)

Mood Swing vs Cold Shoulder

I am not its slave, then why do I succumb to it? Do I not have the imperative resistance against it? Will I always be commanded by it? Do I not have a say? Are mood swings that authoritative?!

Till half an hour back I was the happiest person living on this earth (some might argue against it but there is no way you are winning the battle Mr. Charlatan) for reasons more than one, for reasons known to two, for reasons shared by three (literally!). Things were gorgeous, weather beautiful. Nothing could have gone wrong for me not to celebrate my exalted happiness; nothing could have Possibly gone wrong for me not to celebrate my blessedness. Just as I was thinking about the wonderful day I was going to spend working in the office for 9 hours (with only 4 hours of sleep last night; no regrets!) there was a sudden stroke of ‘something that can be described as an unpleasant incident’ and that was all that was needed for my mood to take a 180 degree turn!

It swung from one end of the spectrum to the other in no time. It’s not fair! Not to the reason for which I was happy! It never is I guess. But, shouldn’t it be? After all even the smallest bliss, even the slightest pleasure, even the basic cheer is majestic in comparison to the obnoxious episode of everyday life. All I want to do is to realize the importance of each adversary and give each its share of attention. I believe it all comes in a package with indifference; I cannot stress on how flattered I am by this “word”, more!

The word so powerful that it can take your mood to where it was as quickly as it was displaced; that it can take you to the path of salvation; that it can make you achieve a fragrant aura.