Of the new life or old?

There’s so much going on in my life right now. I barely know where to start from!

Alright, since am at job now (I don’t really waste time at work but this is the first time since I don’t have any urgent deliverables), let me talk about that first. So, I managed to scrape through 2 months! I think that’s my longest ever (without any leave!). My IA report (NUS requires us to summarize all we’ve done in IA till now so we (and they) know that this internship is helping us learn something worthwhile. Though I don’t really understand why they pretend to care so much. They don’t care when we don’t get a module we really want to learn about; or when you’re an international student and need accommodation (just because one doesn’t have CCA points doesn’t mean he/she should be thrown out of university!) is due coming Friday. I have yet to start writing that report (unlike a few interns who go home Every single day and scribble in their journal what they’ve done today so it’ll be easy to write the report). I reflect back and the first word that comes to my mind of the last two months at job is – Excitement. I am not saying good excitement or bad excitement; just excitement. Heart-beating-faster-at-work kinda excitement. Tension when I have to meet deadlines. Worry when I need to hop on to a conference bridge and actually talk. Self-confidence when I dress up every morning and come to work knowing that me having responsibility simply means that someone has faith in me. Happiness when my boss appreciates my work. Contentment when I drink two huge cups of only the-most-awesome-free hot chocolate ever!

But what I realize from working these two months is – I (like most people) can get accustomed to a regular working lifestyle (where everyday schedule looks like this – wake up early (sulk that you can’t snooze alarm anymore), get dressed – wait for bus/cab – reach office/same desk/same chair, work for 9-12 hours (with a break or two where you drink hot chocolate and pretend to have a great time with colleagues), leave from office in the evening and either rush home to see your family or meet your friends for a couple of drinks, and at night before sleeping – you think of the long day ahead of you tomorrow and wish for it to be Saturday miraculously), but I do not want to; and I am now determined to make sure that I do not get trapped in the flow.

Let’s move on to my private life now. Let’s talk about family; family I haven’t seen in so long. I think this is the first time in 6 years that I have not gone back for more than 6 months. Had this been Junior College, I’d have been crying myself to sleep every night (Girika knows how home sick I used to get by the end of 6 months) but now I am much stronger. Though I feel badly for the fact that I couldn’t be there for my sister when she needed me beside her while she touches everybody’s feet (It IS a big deal!); can’t be there every evening to play squash with dad and show him that I have actually improved a lot (without my arm giving up on me like last time. if my arm weakens this time, I swear I will cut it off!); can’t be there to whine to Ma about eating meals and see her chase behind me; can’t be there to take Mishti for walks 4 – 5 times a day and run as fast as possible as that tiny creature pulls me along. But, I am much stronger now.

Part of that strength comes from my other family here – Akshay, Chandrakant, Girika, Manu (in alphabetical order =p). If it wasn’t for these guys I would have… had different friends? Ha ha. Friends – foes – friends for over six years now. We have stuck through thin and thick (literally for Manu!) and now we are at a place where we don’t feel like friends anymore but something more. Girika with her motherly instincts, Chandrakant with his self-interested nature (ha ha), Akshay with knowing a lot about a lot and Manu with his whining and stubborn nature make just the perfect balance. And if we are to go by the conclusion that I am the annoying Monica in F.R.I.E.N.D.S, then I am the ‘glue that holds everyone together’ (alright! Stopping raising the eyebrow!).

So, turns out… there actually isn’t much going on in life at all. Fine! I needed a starting line that wasn’t, ‘A blog entry since I have decided to slack a little at work for the first time’.

Of the six months ahead

It’s a fine Saturday afternoon. And I am scared. I ate my meal and I ate my cake but I still am scared. I watched Will & Grace lying on the comfy bed. I am scared.

My heart is pounding and I never want to leave my room. I am terrified.