There’s so much going on in my life right now. I barely know where to start from!
Alright, since am at job now (I don’t really waste time at work but this is the first time since I don’t have any urgent deliverables), let me talk about that first. So, I managed to scrape through 2 months! I think that’s my longest ever (without any leave!). My IA report (NUS requires us to summarize all we’ve done in IA till now so we (and they) know that this internship is helping us learn something worthwhile. Though I don’t really understand why they pretend to care so much. They don’t care when we don’t get a module we really want to learn about; or when you’re an international student and need accommodation (just because one doesn’t have CCA points doesn’t mean he/she should be thrown out of university!) is due coming Friday. I have yet to start writing that report (unlike a few interns who go home Every single day and scribble in their journal what they’ve done today so it’ll be easy to write the report). I reflect back and the first word that comes to my mind of the last two months at job is – Excitement. I am not saying good excitement or bad excitement; just excitement. Heart-beating-faster-at-work kinda excitement. Tension when I have to meet deadlines. Worry when I need to hop on to a conference bridge and actually talk. Self-confidence when I dress up every morning and come to work knowing that me having responsibility simply means that someone has faith in me. Happiness when my boss appreciates my work. Contentment when I drink two huge cups of only the-most-awesome-free hot chocolate ever!
But what I realize from working these two months is – I (like most people) can get accustomed to a regular working lifestyle (where everyday schedule looks like this – wake up early (sulk that you can’t snooze alarm anymore), get dressed – wait for bus/cab – reach office/same desk/same chair, work for 9-12 hours (with a break or two where you drink hot chocolate and pretend to have a great time with colleagues), leave from office in the evening and either rush home to see your family or meet your friends for a couple of drinks, and at night before sleeping – you think of the long day ahead of you tomorrow and wish for it to be Saturday miraculously), but I do not want to; and I am now determined to make sure that I do not get trapped in the flow.
Let’s move on to my private life now. Let’s talk about family; family I haven’t seen in so long. I think this is the first time in 6 years that I have not gone back for more than 6 months. Had this been Junior College, I’d have been crying myself to sleep every night (Girika knows how home sick I used to get by the end of 6 months) but now I am much stronger. Though I feel badly for the fact that I couldn’t be there for my sister when she needed me beside her while she touches everybody’s feet (It IS a big deal!); can’t be there every evening to play squash with dad and show him that I have actually improved a lot (without my arm giving up on me like last time. if my arm weakens this time, I swear I will cut it off!); can’t be there to whine to Ma about eating meals and see her chase behind me; can’t be there to take Mishti for walks 4 – 5 times a day and run as fast as possible as that tiny creature pulls me along. But, I am much stronger now.
Part of that strength comes from my other family here – Akshay, Chandrakant, Girika, Manu (in alphabetical order =p). If it wasn’t for these guys I would have… had different friends? Ha ha. Friends – foes – friends for over six years now. We have stuck through thin and thick (literally for Manu!) and now we are at a place where we don’t feel like friends anymore but something more. Girika with her motherly instincts, Chandrakant with his self-interested nature (ha ha), Akshay with knowing a lot about a lot and Manu with his whining and stubborn nature make just the perfect balance. And if we are to go by the conclusion that I am the annoying Monica in F.R.I.E.N.D.S, then I am the ‘glue that holds everyone together’ (alright! Stopping raising the eyebrow!).
So, turns out… there actually isn’t much going on in life at all. Fine! I needed a starting line that wasn’t, ‘A blog entry since I have decided to slack a little at work for the first time’.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Of the six months ahead
It’s a fine Saturday afternoon. And I am scared. I ate my meal and I ate my cake but I still am scared. I watched Will & Grace lying on the comfy bed. I am scared.
My heart is pounding and I never want to leave my room. I am terrified.
My heart is pounding and I never want to leave my room. I am terrified.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Of Four letter words
Exams ended. Never mind on how they went. Exams ended.
Everyone’s going home. Half the Indians around are already back home and more will be leaving in the coming days. Home, to your parents, to your siblings, to your friends, to the weather, to the smell, to the warmth, to the love. Everyone’s going home.
As I digest the fact that I, most probably, will not be going home these holidays (this is going to be the first time), I can’t help but miss home even more.
Mama gives me a HUGE hug when I come out of the airport and quite briefly looks at the luggage I’ve got to check whether I listened to her when she said, “Get the big suitcase and the blue bag even if you have no luggage so I can fill it up when you’re going back.”
Bapu gives me a hug and a peck on my forehead. He keeps it quick because though it’s an Army vehicle and no one dare say anything if it’s parked right at the entrance, dad doesn’t like anyone raising an eyebrow. So he makes it quick.
Didi…well…she’s almost never there to receive me. I see her only when half my holidays are over.
Most excitement is shown by my baby, Mishti! Jumping and running around from one room to another – biting bhaiyas – getting on the bed/sofa waiting to be petted – following me everywhere! Ah, I love her.
Next few days are wonderful. Everyone makes me feel like a princess; where everything happens at my command. If I want to sleep the whole day, Ma doesn’t let anyone even disturb me. She even lets Mishti sleep until I sleep. If I want to eat Rajma, Ma ignores dad screaming ‘Channa!’ at the background. If I want to watch T20 with dad, Ma pretends to enjoy it. If I want to play squash dad very willingly offers to play with me, even though he knows he’s going to be totally bored. If there’s a tiff between my sister and me over the phone, well, alright, they always take Her side! But I feel like a princess nonetheless!
As more days pass. I still sleep for as long as I want. However, now I’ve been told to sleep early so I can wake up in time for lunch. Also, Mishti has to go for walks in the morning with bhaiya. I still get the food that I like. However, now I’ve been constantly told to learn how to cook it myself. Nobody cares what I want to watch on TV since according to dad, “that’s what you do the whole day” (which is not true. It just happens that when he returns from office, I’d have just woken up and switched on the TV). Now dad wants to play more badminton than squash, which works for me as well. And Now if there’s a tiff between my sister and me over the phone – they still take her side. All this makes me love being at home - just like the old days. I love the fights.
As more days fly by, sister comes home. She hugs ma, bapu and trouble Mishti. I stand in the corner and say ‘Hi’ to her. She responds with a fascinating story, which she always has ready for every occasion. How does she even remember all of them? And we both are thinking, ‘Thank God she’s here!’ We three go for walks, buy pocket-full-of-chocolates, eat kachra all the time, (after a few days) fight, make up in no time. When sitting in a room full of people, we communicate with our minds; it’s incredible how we can understand what the other is thinking. I am not sure if this happens to all the siblings but it comes really handy at times.
As the end nears, Ma burdens herself by stuffing my bags with all sorts of food items which I constantly tell her not to put since I know it is going to get wasted. I don’t know whether she puts on that strong face or does she actually not feel too sad that I’m leaving. She gives me the strength to be away from home and still be happy. Dad gets busy with vehicle and accommodation arrangements. He gets emotional and tells me in his own way how much he loves me and misses me. Sister has to choose which two amongst the three dresses I like of hers, should she give me. Ma should transfer some of her strength to di since crying for every little small thing doesn’t suit her now that she is 26 (hehe)! Mishti just gets sad and sits next to the suitcases. Before leaving I make sure I give her one of those chewy sticks; Mishti sees those and gets a little distracted while I quickly leave.
I miss home. All this love, emotions, drama, jokes, family time, protectiveness, comfort, warmth… I am going to miss home.
Everyone’s going home. Half the Indians around are already back home and more will be leaving in the coming days. Home, to your parents, to your siblings, to your friends, to the weather, to the smell, to the warmth, to the love. Everyone’s going home.
As I digest the fact that I, most probably, will not be going home these holidays (this is going to be the first time), I can’t help but miss home even more.
Mama gives me a HUGE hug when I come out of the airport and quite briefly looks at the luggage I’ve got to check whether I listened to her when she said, “Get the big suitcase and the blue bag even if you have no luggage so I can fill it up when you’re going back.”
Bapu gives me a hug and a peck on my forehead. He keeps it quick because though it’s an Army vehicle and no one dare say anything if it’s parked right at the entrance, dad doesn’t like anyone raising an eyebrow. So he makes it quick.
Didi…well…she’s almost never there to receive me. I see her only when half my holidays are over.
Most excitement is shown by my baby, Mishti! Jumping and running around from one room to another – biting bhaiyas – getting on the bed/sofa waiting to be petted – following me everywhere! Ah, I love her.
Next few days are wonderful. Everyone makes me feel like a princess; where everything happens at my command. If I want to sleep the whole day, Ma doesn’t let anyone even disturb me. She even lets Mishti sleep until I sleep. If I want to eat Rajma, Ma ignores dad screaming ‘Channa!’ at the background. If I want to watch T20 with dad, Ma pretends to enjoy it. If I want to play squash dad very willingly offers to play with me, even though he knows he’s going to be totally bored. If there’s a tiff between my sister and me over the phone, well, alright, they always take Her side! But I feel like a princess nonetheless!
As more days pass. I still sleep for as long as I want. However, now I’ve been told to sleep early so I can wake up in time for lunch. Also, Mishti has to go for walks in the morning with bhaiya. I still get the food that I like. However, now I’ve been constantly told to learn how to cook it myself. Nobody cares what I want to watch on TV since according to dad, “that’s what you do the whole day” (which is not true. It just happens that when he returns from office, I’d have just woken up and switched on the TV). Now dad wants to play more badminton than squash, which works for me as well. And Now if there’s a tiff between my sister and me over the phone – they still take her side. All this makes me love being at home - just like the old days. I love the fights.
As more days fly by, sister comes home. She hugs ma, bapu and trouble Mishti. I stand in the corner and say ‘Hi’ to her. She responds with a fascinating story, which she always has ready for every occasion. How does she even remember all of them? And we both are thinking, ‘Thank God she’s here!’ We three go for walks, buy pocket-full-of-chocolates, eat kachra all the time, (after a few days) fight, make up in no time. When sitting in a room full of people, we communicate with our minds; it’s incredible how we can understand what the other is thinking. I am not sure if this happens to all the siblings but it comes really handy at times.
As the end nears, Ma burdens herself by stuffing my bags with all sorts of food items which I constantly tell her not to put since I know it is going to get wasted. I don’t know whether she puts on that strong face or does she actually not feel too sad that I’m leaving. She gives me the strength to be away from home and still be happy. Dad gets busy with vehicle and accommodation arrangements. He gets emotional and tells me in his own way how much he loves me and misses me. Sister has to choose which two amongst the three dresses I like of hers, should she give me. Ma should transfer some of her strength to di since crying for every little small thing doesn’t suit her now that she is 26 (hehe)! Mishti just gets sad and sits next to the suitcases. Before leaving I make sure I give her one of those chewy sticks; Mishti sees those and gets a little distracted while I quickly leave.
I miss home. All this love, emotions, drama, jokes, family time, protectiveness, comfort, warmth… I am going to miss home.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
So much for my 'plan'!
When I decided to come home for 2 months, I made up my mind that I will channelize all my energy and free time in doing something constructive. What I forgot to take into consideration was the fact that I'm going to be in Wellington. But anyways, Wellington wasn't all that bad since any facility you could ask for was available at your service. But all those facilities went for a six when I sprained my neck again and couldn't play any of the sports. But if not playing sports then gym, I thought till I got hooked on to a few great programs on TV and till di got DVDs of Mahabharat. But TV does get on to you after a while(more like dad accusing me of watching TV the whole day and not doing any ghar ka kaam) and then all you can think of doing is sitting idly in a veranda and talking to Mishti.
THUS, sitting with Mishti in the most amazing weather and taking her for walks several times in a day are the two constructive things for which God sent me to Wellington.
THUS, sitting with Mishti in the most amazing weather and taking her for walks several times in a day are the two constructive things for which God sent me to Wellington.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
My own Post Exam Propaganda
Let me start by saying, “YAY! Exams are over!!!” I am mostly so unprepared for my exams each time that in the days just before exams start I have to study my brains out to score decently and thus am over relieved when they’re over. I can sleep for more than 3-4 hours everyday; I can spend more than 5 minutes to decide what I want for dinner; I don’t have to think that going to the washroom is equivalent to taking a break; I can spend some time learning and trying out new hairstyles; I can watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S all day without feeling guilty; I can play all the squash I want; I can go out of the university; I can have a life!
Yes, there are plenty of reasons why I despise and dread exam times. But (what’s the story without a ‘but’ eh?), today I woke up at 6 in the morning feeling a little gloomy; the kind of gloomy you get when you’re birthday is over or when you spend your day’s savings on a chocolate and eat it up in less than a minute. The question I asked to myself was, “Gloomy because exams are over? Seriously!?”
So I spent the next 3 hours watching a movie and an episode of Gossip Girl (I had catching up to do!) trying to get me out of the exam mode, slowly – Detox. However, as I am writing this post and thinking aloud, I am realizing that it’s not the studies I miss, it’s the way I becomes during that time. Let me explain a little:
I am known for being one of the laziest persons (I don’t deny that. In fact I think that being lazy has taught me a great skill which is handy at all times – time management. I try my best to avoid doing work but when I know it absolutely cannot be compromised; I look for a way in which it can be done in the shortest time period. Trust me I have surprised myself with amazing results!)
So, lazy I am! However, I tend to get out of my usual self and be the opposite of lazy when exams are approaching. I have heard a lot of people talk about them that they are best efficient when they have tons of work at hand; I can’t be one of them, can I? I am definitely not a workaholic but simply saying no to this question and carrying on with doing nothing will do no good either; hence I have decided that I’m going to give the other option a shot.
I have not fully recovered from all the hard work I put in for exams and have a lot of restless energy. Usually I just let this feeling die out slowly but this time round I plan to channelize it before it fades away. Where to put in this energy is not really decided yet, but I can start off by reading the research papers my prof gave me (For all those who think it’s not a big deal, then you have no idea what reading ANYTHING after exams mean to me!).
Wow! I already feel good about figuring this whole thing out. Just hope I can stick to the ‘plan’ and discover a whole new better person in me (not that I don’t think I am the best now, but you know…)
Yes, there are plenty of reasons why I despise and dread exam times. But (what’s the story without a ‘but’ eh?), today I woke up at 6 in the morning feeling a little gloomy; the kind of gloomy you get when you’re birthday is over or when you spend your day’s savings on a chocolate and eat it up in less than a minute. The question I asked to myself was, “Gloomy because exams are over? Seriously!?”
So I spent the next 3 hours watching a movie and an episode of Gossip Girl (I had catching up to do!) trying to get me out of the exam mode, slowly – Detox. However, as I am writing this post and thinking aloud, I am realizing that it’s not the studies I miss, it’s the way I becomes during that time. Let me explain a little:
I am known for being one of the laziest persons (I don’t deny that. In fact I think that being lazy has taught me a great skill which is handy at all times – time management. I try my best to avoid doing work but when I know it absolutely cannot be compromised; I look for a way in which it can be done in the shortest time period. Trust me I have surprised myself with amazing results!)
So, lazy I am! However, I tend to get out of my usual self and be the opposite of lazy when exams are approaching. I have heard a lot of people talk about them that they are best efficient when they have tons of work at hand; I can’t be one of them, can I? I am definitely not a workaholic but simply saying no to this question and carrying on with doing nothing will do no good either; hence I have decided that I’m going to give the other option a shot.
I have not fully recovered from all the hard work I put in for exams and have a lot of restless energy. Usually I just let this feeling die out slowly but this time round I plan to channelize it before it fades away. Where to put in this energy is not really decided yet, but I can start off by reading the research papers my prof gave me (For all those who think it’s not a big deal, then you have no idea what reading ANYTHING after exams mean to me!).
Wow! I already feel good about figuring this whole thing out. Just hope I can stick to the ‘plan’ and discover a whole new better person in me (not that I don’t think I am the best now, but you know…)
Monday, March 23, 2009
No roads to the castle
“I want to be Divya Bharati!” Yes, I think that was the first time ever I thought about my future and I was five or six years old. By the time I was seven, my dreamed evolved; now I wanted to be Miss Universe. Then an astronaut – Kiran Bedi – a doctor – divorce lawyer (so I could get Shahrukh Khan to divorce Gauri) – Shahrukh’s wife – army officer – a social worker and the list is endless.
Well, yeah so that’s what I see when I close my eyes and when I open them I see a question staring right into my face – ‘How are you going to get there?’
Lately, I’ve been having doubts regarding my latest ambition of becoming a pilot, because if I am not able to secure any financial grant for it (which is highly likely considering that my grades are not extraordinary) becoming a pilot would only mean starving my family for a whole year after which I can PERHAPS pay them back (you know how the job market is!)
If I decide to go into an engineering firm or sorts, how do I know I won’t want to leave the second day and that I’ll enjoy there? I fear this since I am known for bailing out on things after a few months/weeks/days/hours! Though I have had pretty good reasons for kissing goodbyes to all the things I started, yet it’s difficult to deny my behavior. I wish someone could just come up to me and tell me what path should I choose and I would realize that there’s no better option than that. *Dreamy eyes* I am tired of thinking about the typical ‘What do I wanna be?’ question!
This might sound sadist (which I sometimes tend to be) but I so hope everyone my age is going through the same mind boggling thought!
Oh, and I am also interested in creative fields, but I hardly think I’ll stick to it (or that’s at least what my kin/kith think).
Monday, March 9, 2009
Back with a Bang!
Right, so when I was thinking that I'll write a post which will cover up for all those times that I really wished to write something but I didn't cos I was not in the mood/lazy/din't bother/had too much work/preferred playing cards/was watching some series/..., I came up with like a million thoughts to pen down BUT again I have only 3 mins before I have to leave this room and that my dear friend is not at all enough for a person like me to even summarize an idea in a short para and that is when I usually come up with stupid, terribly long, not-making-too-much-sense sentences like this one!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)