Of not-so-lucky-time-of-life

This post is for me to get some things straight with myself, and I am sharing this with the blog so I don't just think of trying to straighten things out but actually do them and know that I have done them.

Not getting accommodation on campus was a bummer. I was relying on it. I was relying on my luck. Apparently I am not proving very lucky these days. So, no more lottery tickets for me soon!
I've got a few options; I can either bunk with friends and keep switching as soon as I start becoming a pain in their asses or I can take up a place of my own or I can stay as a paying guest over my friend's house. Too many problems with each...ah...not in mood to straighten them out now!

I am simply putting on more and more weight. Everyday I look in the mirror and I feel ugly and fat. But you know what, I am not completely to be blamed. The blame has to be shared by my friends, who eat around me all the time and my shoes because they have gone into hiding! Don't know what to do about it, till I manage a place to stay.

My scholarship money suddenly disappeared! It vanished. I am almost sure that the ATM machine ate it. One day my bank account was totally loaded and the other, I was left with no penny to spare. It was amazing. So I need to figure out a way to fill my pockets. Too tired now-brain going to explode, so saving it for a better time.

I want to study, I really do but I can never get to doing that unless there's like a test or a submission (which hasn't happened till now). I want to improve my grades, not passionately enough but I still do, though everytime I think of studying, the idea of watching Gilmore Girls or sleeping or going out or meeting friends or just sitting and staring at the ceiling takes over and I end up not even opening my books. I have to do something about it soon!

Alright, I guess those are my only problems at the moment. Had I been writing this post like 2 weeks back, issues with friends and parents would have come up too, but those seem to have been settled magically, and I am hoping so will all the above mentioned problems-on their own-somehow-please!

Of me and myself

Excitement comes in all shapes and sizes! And, when it does, your heart fills with tears and eyes with joy. It can be as small a thing as sneaking out of the office escaping all the eyes or catching a bus the moment you reach the bus stop, to big things which are planned and much awaited. Explicitness would be inappropriate as excitement sometimes come as a surprise as well!
I’m treating myself, for enjoying the small excitements when nothing exciting was happening in life, with something really exciting!

If you think this post is insane, you should hear me talk right now!

Of a stretch of a day

I have been doing work since morning, without any breaks (‘cause I din feel like lunch). And to do that work was not any easy task at all. Yes, there’s a script I can refer to but ladies and gentlemen it gets monotonous and the feeling of I-know-how-to-do-this-I-don’t-need-script overtakes your mind to an extent that the pressure is ALL on your brain. So, what happens when u put so much pressure on a poor little soul who slept a little late due to a technological invention of a device which has made the world to move at the speed of light or sound maybe, computer and woke up really early to catch the first bus that comes to the bus stop? I made a mistake! I have no idea how to rectify it, so waiting for my never-to-be-seen boss to appear in the office. Hopefully the mistake won’t be too huge and he won’t scold me or make faces or abuse or give me the look like hiring me was the biggeset mistake of his life, like "some" other bosses do!

Is it too unhealthy to complain about your work or at least think ‘it’s a pain’ everyday (when you’ve already taken a week off in one month one week and one day since job started)? I try not to but the distance, the waking up early, the same-job scope-everyday, the same-boring-faces of bosses, the same-canteen-with-two-stalls (though I pray everyday that Today miraculously there will be one more stall or that Maybe there’re selling something I’d enjoy), the same-working hours and the same temperature of the Air Con (it gets so cold that my nails turn blue), make it really hard for me to even remotely love coming to office. The work I do, however, is mostly want I always wished to do, but I think I am not ready for working lifestyle as yet and you know what? I’m happy I’m not =)

फन के लिए =)

यह पोस्ट हिन्दी में लिख रहा हूँ क्यूंकि हमे हमारी राष्ट्रया भाषा को महत्व देना चाहिए।
और इस लिए भी क्यूंकि मजे आ रहे है। हाहा लोल!
और इस लिए भी क्यूंकि थोड़ा बोर हो रहा है ऑफिस में।
यह पोस्ट इधर ही ख़तम होती है। नमस्कार।

Of Marshal's and Lily's

While making my way from the bus stop where I sat for 2 long-boring-hot hours to the bridge, one traffic light away to collect the money I earned by sweating and sitting without backrest, I couldn’t help but notice this couple walking in front of me. They were walking at the speed of an earthworm and stuck to each other like a leech. They were so much into holding hands that even when a file fell down both of them bent down together to lift it with each of their free hands, not letting go of the hold.

For many, such a gesture would be irritating/cheesy/mushy/too cute. But I thought it was just their version of expression which was not to be judged (not the walking slow part though!). Probably they were in a new relationship where everything seems angelic, but if they weren’t then there must be something more than ideal about them. How many couples after a few years into being committed talk to each other over the phone for hours? How many of them hold hands like they are never suppose to let go? How many of them feel the zsa zsa zsu when they’re being kissed? How many of them alter plans with their friends just to be with the person they love for 15 more mins?

The answer to the aforementioned questions depends on the length of the relationship for most. Inversely proportional!

I admire those who can maintain the same love/ beatitude/warmth/adventure even when they grow so old that they need to put on their dentures before they can even try to kiss and use wrinkle creams so they look younger and more attractive than the partner. They struggle to walk even while using a stick yet they hold hands to support the other =)

Such are the gestures that make the love last forever and make the relationship stronger with each passing day, with each passing moment.

Of people and their opinions

You see someone who you know you're never going to see again still you make an opinion about that person. You meet someone for the first time and the first thing you do is make an opinion about him (don't deny it, you know you do it). You spend some time with that person you still have an opinion about him (it might be for the better or worse). You love someone still you can't convince yourself not to make an opinion about the loved one.

We all (I being no exception) tend to visualize what the person's life is and what he is like in life, no matter who he is, where you see or meet him, how long have you been with him, how much you know him.

Who are we to make judgments? Who are we to assume their whole background, life, habits? Why do we care? Is it human nature, maybe?

Making an opinion is one thing, but are we allowed to impose it on others? Can we tell a third party how the second party is, based on our mere opinions? Are we allowed to do that? Maybe not?

Then why people all around you want their thoughts to be accepted all around them? Why do people not respect other's opinion? Why do they assume that their assumptions are always right? Why do they want to shut their ears when the view point differs from their's?

I'm a little fed up of the questions. Guess I require a good night's sleep before I can wake up at 5 tomorrow. After all, in everybody's opinion it's a job I can't screw up! I've to play by the rule and live up to that opinion. Right? Maybe?

Of a happy life and a dreadful end

“It’s a boy!” they said and rejoiced. Another member in the family; the only son, the only child. Celebrations everywhere! Happiness and hope everywhere!

Time passed. Little son became a naughty kid. Very destructive. Poor results in school. Complaints from teachers. Scolding from parents. Not-so-good company. Things weren’t exactly the best for him but he was having a ball.

Time passed. Naughty kid became a growing man. He realized his responsibilities towards his family, being the only child. Started to take things a little more seriously yet squeezing all the fun out of life (still naughty). Shy to talk to girls yet having crushes every second day. Not-so-good company were still his friends but he now knew how and when to differentiate. His life was a little on track and he was still having a ball.

Time came. An accident took place. Broken glass everywhere. Curious road-siders surrounded. In the middle, covered in his own blood laid this growing man. His small eyes closed. His breathe faded. His heart stopped.

No one knows what were his last words or his last thoughts. No one. Everything was over in those few minutes; a life, a hope, a family.

Piyush and I used to fight a lot, not because we hated each other but because he was in the group I hated the most.

I didn’t think that this event would shake me up so bad but after crying under the pillow for a few days now, I know that it has. Life is so unpredictable. People say “I live life to the fullest”, do they actually? Piyush did. So what if he wasn’t the topper in school? So what if he misbehaved? So what if he didn’t get into the finest engineering college? All his life, he did what he wanted to and when he wanted to. His parents loved him. His friends loved him. His round face always had a smile. He, indeed, lived life to the fullest.

Of Girlfriends and Pyjama Parties

Clean table, dirty room, lot of work, consistent effort to finish it bit by bit, loud music; seems like I am back in old JC days except that instead a cup of coffee, what lies next to me is a bottle of water; except that the door is not open (cluster mates get disturbed); except that she’s not sitting on the table next to mine to sing along with me (occasionally telling me how bad my voice suck), to talk about guys, to bitch about the world, to share mutual cravings for food, to wake me up in five minutes, and most importantly to tell me that I don’t look fat from side, back and front profiles (After June 2005, it was all lies!)

I miss my roommate and I am not embarrassed to say that because it’s not her why I am writing this (I love you! =p) but the lack of females in my life.

I’ve been brought up with boys, had more boy-friends in school than girl-friends (I hated most of those girls). I am just so uncomfortable around girls. Maybe it’s the universal fact that girls are bitchy; you never know what she’s going to say about you to her friends once you turn your back. Maybe it’s the fear that many of them would dislike me (I am sorry but I just can’t put up the fake ‘Oh! I am so happy to see/talk/spend time with you’ for more than 5 mins’).Though I do try sometimes due to criticism from my male friends - ‘you don’t have any girl friends’, and in hope that I would at least like a few of them and they would like me too. And I do enjoy the company of a handful of them, but the thought of meeting them again and hanging out makes me go zsa zsa zsu and so I tend not to make any such plans.

Perhaps this is the reason why I value the girls I have in my life so much. I love each one of them to the extent that choice being given I’d choose them over any chocolate fudge, any ice cream, any party, any guy.

A Question

World’s growing. And so is the competition. And with it, grows the fear to lose. Everybody wants to be on the top and the way they choose to do that is by putting down the other.

You read in books, you see in movies, and you wish time would fly back to; when kingdoms were fought for yet the boundaries were maintained; when pride was of utmost importance yet failure was accepted; when men were the sole bread-earners yet women were treated with admirable obeisance; when friends spent their whole lives playing/studying together yet never forgot to greet each other with respect.

Have those old golden days of rank, respect and royalty really disappeared in the smoke of sarcasm and crudeness? Have people no sense of friendly yet courteous humor? Do feelings take no priority? Do women not get distinguished anymore? Are friends of no value?

Has the world become too mean or is it just the pessimist in me talking?

...kya itna burra hoon mein Ma...

Taare Zameen Par - It's a story about a little boy who gets sent away to Boarding School because his parents think he's being deliberately disobedient. While he's there, a teacher at his school discovers that he's dyslexic and uncovers a hidden talent for art in the little boy, that everyone else had ignored.

I have always wondered what it would be like to be sent away from home and to go to Boarding School being a little child. My parents (mostly my mother) were adamant not to send any of their children away before they were big enough to decide for themselves and I always thank the powers that be for that. But the more I think about it, the more I begin to wonder what it must be like for children to be sent away from home for half their lives, some before they even enter their teens.

I know, and have heard the popular arguments. Boarding schools make children tougher and more disciplined. They've got better skills when they come out into the world. But isn't that what parenting is supposed to be about? Preparing your kids for the world, molding them into responsible adults? The truth is, I have never been able to understand why people have kids if all they want to do is make their own work easier and send the kids away. How can parents like that ever say that they have actually had a say in bringing their kids up?

It's just like that certain section of parents who have nannies for their kids, right from when they're born. Why do you have a baby when you can't give it everything you've got? I understand that there are careers and people have to make ends meet, but I would be devastated if my baby drew more comfort and security in a stranger's arms. I find that's the saddest thing that any mother could do to herself. Careers can wait; the childhood of children once ruined will never be restored.

Perhaps working till evening and returning home to play with the kids, is how working parents imagine it to be before they bring another human being into this world; but once the responsibilities, of work and of children, increase manifold, boarding schools/nannies/grandparents become the main and major part of the picture. Do parents have the right to deprive the baby of his rights just to reduce the burden? Does money/career undermine another life; life which is a part of their own?

It is so easy when telling the truth. Yup, I'll just leave it at that.

Incredible !ndia

Almost a week in the beautiful, clean Singapore and I still cannot get the sights of Wellington out of my head. Those mountains covered with carpets of tea gardens with trees decorated at regular distances, several pleasing shades of green that merge at the boundaries, pink-purple-white-yellow-orange gorgeous flowers grown in the wild, gentle clouds touching your feet at any time of the day, scented fresh air with almost 0% pollution, that smell of chocolates when you walk down the street.

My house was just like I had imagined ‘Alice in wonderland’s house’ to be – like a dream. No it was not made of marble or had mirrors everywhere or had fairies or horses but the gardens that surrounded the house were exhilarating!

I have seen better in India but this was one of it’s kind and the beauty was so natural that I couldn’t help admire and praise the creator.

Recap

Dance camp, Christmas, New Year’s Eve, my birthday, meeting friends, everything is over. Moreover, I even finished watching all seasons I could find of 24! (It had become a part of my life. Jack Bauer, Tony, Michelle were like family to me. Too bad many of them are now dead.) There’s nothing to look forward to anymore. No! I was not waiting for the semester to start.

Dance camp was tiring but again, waking up early in the morning feels great when you know you are going to spend the rest of the day learning different genres, dancing to the imagination of the one person who have never met before, sweating, losing a few grams of that fat, chatting (okay, this was not really what I woke up for!).

Christmas was awaited for some reason. No I didn’t exactly think that Santa Claus is going to ride till my room and empty his bag of gifts on my bed and arrange a little party just for me, I just didn’t want to go out anywhere. 24 was my friend.

New Year’s Eve was happening. For all those who think that having a dance party with no age bar whatsoever (2-60 yrs) cannot possibly be fun, I challenge you to spend one 31^st Dec night in Wellington and still stick to your argument. Kids doing the all time favorite 70’s steps with grandparents showing off Isha Koppikar and Bipasha Basu steps, it was a fun night.

My birthday, again an extremely awaited event, did not disappoint me in disappointing me. I had guessed there won’t be much to do other than spending the day with maa, sister, Mishti and the most adorable pups. Half the day went cooking/watching television/internet-ing and the rest of the day went taking care of the pups. Leave them alone for ten minutes and they can actually kill each other! I cannot even try to explain the pleasing sight of them playing, running after each other, biting the other all over, barking, and whining.

Feels nice to be back to Singapore…back home.